from now on my penis is your penis
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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