Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think my moral compass just broke
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