the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
