when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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