yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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