Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
