In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing