Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.