I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in