i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.