yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
