I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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