so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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