I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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