Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
