Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
