You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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