I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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