THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
