Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
