Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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