I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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