Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
