..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
