Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize