She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
