Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
