hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
