ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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