My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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