Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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