I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
