shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How external is "for external use only"?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
