You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
