I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
