Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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