The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
