Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
