see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Two words: nipple clamps
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