She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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