I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize