Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
