As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize