ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
