he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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