Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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