matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've blown a few things in my day
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
