youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
