$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
