Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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