So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We had to coat check the pizza.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
