I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize