How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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