Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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