Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Soap is not a condiment
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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