So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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