your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Randomize
