just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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