Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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