I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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