I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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