So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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