My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
