so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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