i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
